I’ve been meaning to write this post for awhile, just hadn’t quite figured out the best approach. I will fully admit that the events that went down in July made me insecure and not sure of myself. I went through a brief period where I questioned my abilities, achievements and self-worth. My insecurities were created by the inability to achieve perfection (or be a f-f-f-failure), rejection, and a lack of control.
Recently I was told by a good friend… “you don’t need validation, you are a great girl blah blah BLAH.” Well wouldn’t that be nice if that was the case. As much as I am not usually “that” girl, 100% all of us go through tough times where we need reassurance and support. I needed my friends to say “you will get through this”… “you are awesome”… “you will be stronger because of this”… “you are a hot commodity and will let none of this drag you down.” ❤ Seriously, I did. I was at a low point and I needed to be brought back into reality.
“Depending on external validation for your happiness is depending on something arbitrary, relative, and random. You’re relinquishing control to something that makes no sense. …But I’d still like some.”
So what’s the harm? Is it that bad for a strong, independent, young woman to ask for validation? Assuming it’s not constant, is it bad for anyone to ask for occasional validation?
I absolutely don’t think so. Validation doesn’t mean you are insecure or needy. Validating someone is about nurturing and understanding. It’s not healthy to be dependent on validation. That can lead to frustration and disappointment. What’s most important is that [the majority of the time] you are able to give yourself praise, recognize your achievements, LOVE YOURSELF, and learn from your mistakes. With the right people in your life, when you are having one of “those days”, the occasional validating comments will come with open arms.
Last week I went down to sit by the Bow River, read, and escape from my mind. I found a secluded spot on the rocks where I could dangle my toes in the water and pretend I lived by the ocean. :) I was reading, tanning, and enjoying the heat, when this dude says to me “get in my boat”. I had no idea I would be so close to the people floating down the river AND no idea people would be talking to me, so he caught me off guard. I was like… “uh what?”… he says “well it doesn’t look like you are having a good time, so get in my boat.” I laughed, said “maybe next time” and off he went. I kept my eyes on the next floaters, offering them a smile and a wave. Apparently my secluded spot was more of an attraction then a peaceful place to read. Another raft came by, I barely look up through my sunglasses to notice a raft of girls and guys. This guy says “I just wanted to say, you just made my day.” <<UMM WHAT?>> “Seeing you in a bikini just made my first floating experience so awesome.” <<HAHAHA>>
You know what dude… you just MADE MY DAY. No, I didn’t need the compliment. I needed a laugh. :)
So let’s talk about physical validation. By no means was I relaxing in a public place with minimal clothing for external validation. Seriously, I was there for my mental sanity! I’ve told this story to a few girlfriends and we all had a good laugh. Made a few jokes that if we’re having a bad day, we should head down the river in search of some guys giving out compliments. :P Standards of beauty are imposed on women and as a result body image issues are rampant in today’s society. Whether they were created from childhood bullying, significant others/relationships, or the media, we all know someone (or are someone) that has been affected by a negative body image. Validation is no different in this case. If it’s constant, we have a problem. It is up to you and only you, to believe that you are beautiful. Every so often, a girl will have a “ugh day”, or a “I don’t know what to wear day”, or a “do you like my new hair day” – give her the validation she needs. Don’t lie, but be honest and supportive. Do you lose anything by validating others? No. It shows that you care.
We all have our moments. Don’t be scared to ask for validation. Always embrace every ounce of yourself.
Why? Because you are pretty fabulous if I do say so myself.
With love (and positive August energy), Me. XO