thoughtful vs. transparent

My mind has been going a million miles per hour this afternoon. I’ve been frustrated, disappointed and mad as hell. I’ve had the chance to reflect on so many things that have happened lately and finally I decided that I need to blog. I need to blog the way I used to… writing for me, not writing for anyone else.

Time and time again, I tell myself that the most important quality to me in a relationship is being thoughtful. Truly thoughtful – above and beyond thoughtful.

To some degree, it’s been a good measure of men. So many people go through their day to day lives, thinking about themselves, their own issues and lose touch with what’s around them. When you truly step outside your cloud and take a bird’s eye view into your friends, families and coworkers lives, you learn how much you can give. A call to say hello, a random card in the mail, words of appreciation, babysitting for a friend in need, a hug… whatever it is, all of it matters. It shows that you care, that you’re thoughtful, that you give more than you take. When I stumble upon one of these thoughtful-types, I smile. I get them. I appreciate them for being different without even knowing it.

Today I was caught off guard. Today I realized that although being thoughtful is key to who I am as a person, transparency ranks just as high. In 2010, I blogged on transparency. It was a bit of a silly post – telling the world… “I don’t really care what you think of me. I am who I am and you’ve just touched the surface.”

For years, I’ve felt that I’m an open book. I’m very public, portraying my personality (the good and the bad) and thoughts on life all over the internet. Secondly, in person and whether personal or business, I am straight up and to the point. When I hold back, something’s wrong. If you push for what it is and I trust you, I give it to you. I am continually told that people appreciate I am authentic and transparent. They appreciate that there is less clouds, less grey and less confusion.

I know what it feels like to be in the dark. I’ve been there… that moment where you know something is wrong…  That feeling of anxiety that hits your heart knowing something has changed.

Today is different though.

This time… the problem is when you feel like you know everything, when you feel like you know someone, when you trust them with your whole heart… and you get your hands on a piece of information that makes you question who they are.

You lose transparency. And transparency means the world.

Does being transparent get me into trouble?

All the time. Every trait has it’s good and bad – but to me, I’d rather know then not know.

The key to authenticity in relationships isn’t changing who you are. The key is to becoming more self-aware.

Life is here to teach us. Learn from everything life presents. ❤


  1. doeslovetrulyexist July 10, 2011

    This post is absolutely amazing.
    I feel like I can relate to it in every way possible, I’m still in shock and disbelief as to how much I feel the same way.
    Very true and honest, and amazing.

  2. pippa martins-st. onge July 10, 2011

    “The key to authenticity in relationships isn’t changing who you are”.

    1.Well sometimes when 2 people come together they grow and change. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

    2. Nobody is truly ‘transparent’. Everyone wears a mask, especially in the business world. Transparency is a good goal to work towards however.

  3. Madi July 11, 2011

    Mail-order husbands.

    I actually just googled that… and was sufficiently horrified.

    Looks like I’m buying another cat instead.
    And shoes.
    Probably more shoes.

  4. Jillian Walker August 8, 2011

    Shoes in lieu of husbands? I think that’s a brilliant idea.

  5. Jillian Walker August 8, 2011

    So glad that you enjoyed. <3

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