a revelation

It’s 7:45pm and I’m laying on the couch in a tank and panties watching Kimora Lee [Don’t worry… the Kardashian’s is on next! ;)]. I have a hospital bracelet on my left arm and IV track marks on my right.

I have an overwhelming feeling of disgusting.

They tell me I’m legally impaired. No driving for 24 hours — but also I can’t ride a horse, use a food processor, buy a house or get married. Yes, those (plus so much more) are listed in the document they gave me. :/

So what happened?

Today I had an endoscopy to determine if I have celiac disease (allergy to gluten). Woop! Celiac runs in my family, so the docs wanted to do their due diligence to ensure that I don’t have it.

I arrive at the hospital this morning to quicky have an IV put in and soon enough I was in the procedure room. They hook you up on oxygen, give you a bite tray and then anesthesia… which means bye bye bye. The specialist sends a camera down your throat/belly/intestines and I think they go searching for creatures. :)


About 90 mins later they woke me up and forced me to drink and eat. The tube forces you go collect a little extra air so they want to make sure swallowing and all that is good. I just kept on giving them a death glare and then they said “You sure like the drugs don’t you?” Why yes I do.

So anyways I’ve been home about 7 hours and slept most of the afternoon away. I am totally whiney and need a hug. I feel both exhausted and hungover.

But WAIT… all of a sudden, I had a revelation…

If you experience health issues while single, you are way less likely to get divorced when you’re married.

Think about it… any type of health disease/disorder, procedure or process generally means “sick.” Sick usually means whiney and needy. Whiney and needy is the end of the world in relationships!

So I’m onto something right?

Yes, I’ve had Scoliosis surgery and a lumpectomy. But I’ve also has my wisdom teeth out and now this nasty endoscopy.

Check it out. Less things for my significant other to be pained through!

All I’m really missing out on experiencing is appendicitis and a broken bone. Then I would be set!

By going for an endoscopy, I must be a hotter commodity in this market.

That must be true.

Signed, Independent Woman

[Typed while horizontal from my iPhone]

PS: My current mental state is undetermined. ;) T-12 hrs until drug free!