Everyone has a Story

I’m generally balls to the walls transparent with what I’m thinking, doing, involved in, etc. My past, the present… all of it is open book. The truth is, I’m transparent to a point.

Why? It’s safe.

I’ve been hurt. I don’t want to be hurt again.

I’m no therapist, but I think this is typical normal person behaviour. A lot of people keep a side of them hidden — the bad habit, the not so great part of their life, the childhood moment they just never got over. {This is me rationalizing that I am not actually a crazy person.}

It’s a late Monday night {or early morning} and I’m sitting here feeling both blessed and frustrated. Blessed because I have some absolutely incredible men in my life these days. Men I am proud to call my friend. Men I have mad respect for. {Yes I also have some super solid girlfriends too, but these men have been an exceptional presence over the last few weeks!}. Frustrated because I gave myself ‘Terrible Leader of the Year’ Award tonight — which is a whole other story.

I haven’t blogged in almost 3 weeks. A lot has happened. A whole lot of good has happened.

So what’s the point of this post?

I don’t want to feel that I’m hiding something. I want to feel like I can be me.

Take me or leave me.

What’s the worst that will happen? Someone will delete me as a friend, avoid me, shut me out of their life? Ahhh…. hasta la vista baby. I couldn’t give a damn. What’s the best? Someone will absolutely relate — and maybe feel like they two can have a voice. Maybe even someone will learn something.

{DEEP BREATH}

A few years ago, I was sexually assaulted by a boyfriend.

There I said it.

And yes A BOYFRIEND. He must have been out of his mind.

I pretended it didn’t happen for a year and then I was forced to come clean.

Who did I come clean to? The next boyfriend. The only person I had to.

Why has this all come to light?

Devon Brooks, a bright light, love bandit, mover and shaker {that I am blessed to call my friend} recently told everyone her story. Soak up every word in WE Vancouver. I admire Devon — like mucho respect. She is a force to be reckoned with and I have so much admiration for her telling her story.

Ever since Devon first told her story in the spring at TEDxKidsBC and then again, in the paper… it’s been gnawing at me. Devon is incredible open and so beyond her years. I started thinking about why I haven’t been able to come clean. Do I have all sorts of issues? Do I still pretend that it never happened? Do I care too much about what people think of me?

I don’t know if I know the answer.

All I know is what happened. And I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.

The scary truth:

  • 80-85% of rapists are known to the adult they attack
  • 50% of sexual assaults occur in or around a woman’s home
  • 27% of women whose sexual assault met the legal definition of rape thought of themselves as rape victims

I write for me — always. I write for clarity. My blog is my diary. Almost always I write thinking that I’m a crazy person and that no one in a million years would relate or understand. Over the last 10 years I’ve learned that many of us are living the same story — maybe in different countries, different exact situations — but it’s the same. In the past year, I’ve had 4,876 hits on my October 2010 blog post “A Voice“. I’m presuming the strong majority have come through Google. Young girls {lets hope} searching terms like ‘young woman breast cancer’, ‘young girl fuck cancer’ and ‘bruised breast’. I told my story for many reasons — but a primary one was because when I was searching for information, I couldn’t find anyone’s story. I couldn’t find anyone who was going through what I went through.

I am putting this out to the world because you need to know… you’re not alone.

Everyone has a story.

Speak up.

PS – Thank you to D for the constant support, light and love. Thank you for the post. Thank you for listening.

0 Comments

  1. Peter July 10, 2012

    Very brave of you to share.

    So glad you have men in your life who do things the right way.

    Reply
  2. Lisbel July 10, 2012

    Huge respect to you for writing it here like this (:
    I think the best way to move on is to be open. That’s not to say I always (or often) succeed at that, but I do think it’s true, and so good for you! xx

    Reply

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